Captain Sasuke the 13th
by Kitana Matsuri
Summary: If Sasuke took too heavy a blow to the head, how would Naruto react if Sasuke woke up a pirate that just wanted a little rum? That's a damn good question... XD


**In the event where Sasuke thinks he's a pirate. One shot.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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_Captain Sasuke the 13th_

After a strange sparring match between two rivals, Sasuke finally takes a damaging blow to the head from a back kick that sends his skull into a boulder. Needless to say, he was out cold, surprising the other ninja to run forward despite the pain in his left leg.

Eventually the Uchiha joins the living world with a wince, confused for all his worth. Naruto tower above him, panting slightly with a creased brow showing his worry. Though the orange clad teen was proud for knocking the arrogant ninja out on his ass, he still displayed concern. And so it all begins.

Sasuke shuddered a moment, raising a hand to the back of his head with a light scowl. "Bloody hell, what kind of rum did I drink?" Better yet, where did that strange accent come from?

Naruto however failed to notice at the moment and answered the other with a question that was of course, rather stupid. "Rum? ... Rum!? Sasuke we're underage, we don't drink!" He nearly pouted his statement,

After much deliberation, Sasuke brings himself to stand; pale face scrunching at the idiot before him.

The accent only grew heavier with a flippant air to match the look on his face. Very, very un-Uchiha like. "You my dear idiot, have no taste in the finer things in life. I say we pillage and plunder all the rum this city has to offer!" A stagger went by, a lopsided grin beginning to show.

His declaration was ridiculously passionate, yet lazy in the same. Naruto was absolutely befuddled, his worry growing at an alarming rate as his rival continued spouting off insanities.

"So what say you mate, care to join me as I commandeer all the rum this world has to offer?" Sasuke slapped a hand against the startled teen's shoulder, panic clearly evident on Naruto's rapidly paling face.

What the hell was the blonde to do? Moments ago he was taking a fist to the face and now he was being offered a heist from the very same stuck up jackass! And really… where did that accent come from!? Naruto's face completely blanched. He just wanted to scream for all his worth and run. Run fast. Extremely fast… and drown his mortification in a bowl of ramen. Most certainly not rum like the other ninja was suggesting.

His face scrunched at that.

Sasuke on the other hand sported a convincing grin that made a person want to scream yet swoon at the same time.

"Right then! Off we go." Apparently not saying a word was the same as agreeing.

"No person in their right mind will deprive a couple eh' pirates, eh? Heh ha!" Just as Sasuke spoke his last words, Naruto was subjected to a harsh tug from the sleeve of his jacket.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!! Sasuke! We can't do that!" the loud ninja's voice increased drastically, his attempts of escape no match for the iron grip of his 'Pirate' companion. Of course, he wasn't even thinking about why Sasuke called them pirates when they clearly were not.

While Naruto's heels dragged against the earth in his futile struggling, Sasuke bantered a few low murmurs to himself, completely ignoring or simply not hearing the shrills his hostage let out.

"Sasuke!" What the hell? This could not be happening right now, it was madness! He tried louder, even projecting his high pitched barks into the raven's ear. "Sasuke! Stop it! Neither of us are pirates, so would you ju-" He was startled out of his words.

Swiftly being whipped around to face a murderous Uchiha, it was beginning to finally dawn on Naruto that the blow to his rivals head was most certainly not a healthy one. Impossible blue eyes widened in his revelation. Sasuke really believed he was a pirate.

"Speak for yourself blondie, but I Captain Sasuke the 13th who's sailed every sea, am in fact a pirate!" Obsidian hues narrowed with their homicidal glint, a slight spark of amusement dancing within the irises. "I got balls of steel mate', an if you of all bloody scoundrels renounce being a pirate, then it looks like I'll be havin' to make you a eunuch if you insist on being such a puss."

Naruto was speechless to say the least. It seems to 'Captain Sasuke the 13th' that he's also a pirate. Inwardly he cringed, now more than ever with that threat openly stated. God help him, he was doomed to join the Uchiha in this insane voyage to come. Begrudgingly he nodded, submitting against his natural instinct to push his rival's buttons and flee the scene when Sasuke was distracted. If only he could reach Tsunade at this very moment…

After Naruto gave in, Sasuke seemed rather spunky, linking arms with the dejected blonde as they strode off toward the streets of Konoha.

The endless torture did not stop. On the way to the Uchiha compound, Sasuke saw a pair of boots and this ridiculous bandana that he just _had_ to buy. But alas, Naruto was no where near safe from the crazy costume shops items. Sasuke insisted he buy them both 'proper attire' for their journey.

So here he was, the great Uzumaki… Clad in brown bucket top boots, white knee breeches, and a simple loose long sleeved midnight colored shirt. Of course, he was given a plain black bandana while he actually did argue for the tri-cornered hat. But Captain Uchiha insisted it went well with his navy long over coat.

Naruto could only shake his head at the predicament. The one thing he wants in order to participate in this charade, and he can't have it! The blonde grunted, his fingers idly pulling a few stray blonde hairs out from the bandana.

Once Sasuke grabbed a few more obscene looking decorations for them both, Naruto felt dread hit its peek.

'I have to walk around like this… in public!' His thoughts mused in misery.

It was as if people needed even more of a reason to direct their anger at the misfit ninja.

He could see it now, the town's people glaring in hatred while insisting he drugged Sasuke. Naruto's exasperating thoughts just continued from there.

All the while, his insane teammate seemed more than happy to hum a happy tune and slip a few rings on his fingers. He would admire the decorations upon his hands, smirking or frowning; then rearranging the jewelry until he hummed an approval.

The 'Infamous pirate of Orange Horror, Uzumaki Naruto', as Sasuke was content to call him, was yet again interrupted from imagining his demise. It seemed they were done shopping and Sasuke was more than ready to leave the store. Naruto even received an irritable scowl.

"Yer wastin' me time, mate." … He swore that accent just get worse.

Naruto silently padded to the door, still disturbed. The god awful journey was about to begin with Sasuke only a few steps behind him.

A mild snicker sounded as Naruto stepped out into the fresh air and beaming sun. Scowling at the giggle produced behind him, he didn't have time to comment as the store's alarm system sent out a high pitched squeal.

Sasuke looked positively gleeful. Naruto was horrified. And the shop keeper was already hopping out from behind the counter.

"Thieves! How dare you steal from my precious store!" A slight growl and crack was all he heard until Sasuke dragged him around the corner and into an alley.

"Sasuke, what the hell did you steal?!" This was insane. Uchiha Sasuke just… stole! Naruto's mind was reeling, yet he kept running for his life.

The man Sasuke just robbed was behind them both with a cricket paddle high above his head. All the while, they heard curses about disgraceful teenage ninja's in some of the most colorful language possible.

"Got me a new set of clothes." Sasuke exclaimed rather proudly.

Naruto whined a small cry to the heavens in all seriousness, asking. "Why me?"

A few more winding corners and they were free from prosecution.

Also, they were in front of a local bar. Sasuke's grin was nothing far from maniacal and beyond.

"Oh, hell no… Sasuke! We can't!"

"Shh!" The pirate straightened out his hat, all the while fixing Naruto's complaints with a glare.

"Don't be making me repeat myself now." Naruto was actually getting chastised.

"You just robbed that old man…" His complaints may be consistent but his teammate would have none of it.

"And I'll be takin' off with a few barrels of rum whether you'll be liking it er' not." Damn that Captain Uchiha's stubbornness!

This was really going way too far. If the Hokage were to find out about this escapade, it would be both their heads.

In all honesty, Naruto just wasn't the type of person to steal from others. He felt enraged by the psychotic turn of evens. It had to stop now!

Peering around his surroundings while Sasuke was in the midst of creating a plan, the blonde spotted an iron rod set behind the garbage can. Even though this was a low blow, he had to do something.

Sighing out an apology, he crept to the iron piece and picked it up. Just as Sasuke was turning his head, Naruto swung the rod full force into the Uchiha's temple. A loud ping from the impact and a dull thud sounded. Sasuke was knocked out cold and slumped against the pavement.

A good while later, they were both with Tsunade as she set the dark haired ninja into a bed. Naruto carried the other on his back and had her everything that happened. Even though it was mildly amusing, she knew that the shop keeper would be a little more difficult to deal with.

News spread to Kakashi who was now sitting upon the window sill, holding a conversation with Tsunade as they both mocked the unconscious and fuming boys.

The Hokage earlier said Sasuke should wake up just fine and back to his regular self. For that matter, she predicted that the Uchiha should wake up within the hour.

And awake he did.

Only this time, he was a Scottish man. A very angry, non kilt wearing, Scottish man.

"Eh Vatican 'ill be hearin ov 'is!" This accent was even worse than the one before.

"Err' is ma' kilt?" Sasuke asked, pointedly wanting an answer from Naruto.

As for the blonde, he was making a fast retreat out the door.

Naruto learned a valuable lesson today.

Inside of Sasuke's mind was a place called Hell.

A place where nothing made sense and was best kept inside the insane boy's head.

END

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A short story that is not supposed to make sense. XD Thank you and please review.


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